Breaking the Cycle

Examining our lives from a healthy lens does not just affect our fitness and eating habits. In order to fully change ourselves to be the healthy and happy people we want to be, we also have to examine the impact our environment and experiences have on every day life.

One of the most challenging things for me has been to determine what relationships were suitable to my healthy lifestyle, and what relationships were not. It didn't matter if the other people were healthy themselves - though having a fitness buddy or being friends with someone who is self-aware is certainly easier. What mattered most was whether or not someone else's unhealthy lifestyle was negatively affecting me. Which got me to thinking... about me. Hopefully you'll take that as your cue to start thinking about you, if you haven't already. 

A perfect example of being negatively affected by someone else's behavior is the way in which they treat you. It is so easy to look at the world and see abusive relationships. I find that for generations we have become so accustomed to being abusive, insulting, less than nurturing, less than respectful, less than loving or tolerant. I don't believe I need to explain this at great lengths to convince you that abuse is a common part of every day life. Media promotes abuse, simply by asking people to publicly share negative opinions about the way others look, talk, and sometimes even criticizing the way someone is a parent, or what they believe. Of course we hear these things and say those people have a right to free speech and press. It's educational to have a civilized debate, no doubt. I'm sure you have been criticized, and can understand both sides of the argument. The problem is not that negativity and criticism exist in the world, even light cannot exist without darkness. The focus is the way that they exist in your life. Its the willingness to surround yourself with people who are less than nurturing, who are constantly criticizing, insulting with sarcasm, cursing at you, causing you to feel inadequate, making you question your reality by lying to you, making you feel uncomfortable in a way that is difficult to express - basically any form of disrespect, or attempts to change you. Maybe reflect on how people who dont make you feel loved, positive, or happy ended up in your life to begin with. After all, you choose your friends. Think about why you chose the ones you have now. You could be acting out a desire, looking for a savior, looking for something, hoping for someone to teach you, wanting to share yourself - theres a reason even if you havent thought about it.

So in our highs and lows and challenging relationships - how can we become self aware and grow from it in order to turn our struggles to strengths?

Neglect is a common form of less than nurturing behavior. I like to use the term "less than nurturing" as something interchangeable with the word "abuse." Because really, being treated as though you are unloved, or unimportant - via neglect - can be just as harmful as outwardly hitting, or demeaning a person. Countless social science studies have proven that familial behaviors are seen in cycles. You are likely to find a partner who is similar to your opposite sex parent. If not, then you are more likely to become similar to your opposite sex parent - at least according to Freud and countless other developmental theorists. You are likely to raise your children with similar treatment as your parents. If you were in foster care, it is more likely that your child will be in foster care. People who are abusive, or less than nurturing individuals, were often victims of the same treatment - at-risk behavior thereby becomes part of the cycle. To be "at-risk" and to have at-risk behavior, I believe have two different functions. A person is "at-risk" if they have experienced abuse, neglect, abandonment, racism, classicism, etc. At-risk behavior, I believe, is the result of when one is raised in an environment that does not maintain appropriate discipline for rule-breaking behavior. Inappropriate discipline can look like; overly severe punishments for minor rule-breaking, public shame, embarrassment, physical abuse, verbal abuse, no consequences at all, or complete parental indifference. Behavioral problems often come from at-risk families where there is inappropriate discipline (usually verbal or physical harm), or no discipline (neglect). Sometimes the parents or the environment encourages, or models risky behavior. The condoning of at-risk behavior is more prevalent among families whose parents experienced a similar form of neglect, which was the cause or result of trauma, and perpetuated a cycle of poor self-care for generations. It's not uncommon to learn our behavior from our parents/guardians. However, recognizing behavior offers insight on how to end an unwanted cycle. Just like changing any other habit, it takes a lot of self-awareness, examination, spirituality, and will to change, in order to sort through all of the emotions and habits that were maybe never recognized before.

I believe I experienced an "average" amount of abuse as a child. I was bullied by peers, neglected, sometimes hit, harassed by teachers, and I had absolutely no sense of who I was at the age when I felt I should have been figuring it out. Most of the negative experiences I had, came from school or home. All of the positive experiences I had came from my home environment. It was a mixed bag. Although few negative experiences were directly related to my parents, the way in which I coped was self-taught and subsequently one-sided - often submissive with poor boundaries, anger, anxiety, and no idea what to do with it other than repress repress repress.

I believe that positive emotional habits, boundaries, and views of self can be taught. Being educated about the "self" helps individuals to cope in challenging social settings through relying on inner strength. None of that existed for me in my upbringing. Moreover, cohering to an Orthodox Christian view of the world limited me in understanding my self-worth and internal power.

It's clear to me now that some of the habits I have learned through childhood experiences had to do with perpetuating poor physical health, poor boundaries, and insecurity.  Putting a lot of these learned behaviors to rest has not been easy, and is still often a struggle. The will to change is like a light-switch -  it's either on or it's not. However, the act of changing is a process.

Examining my thoughts, actions, and emotions as they relate to my upbringing and life experiences, has been an eye-opening education. I learned as an adult that, ultimately, it was never someone else negatively affecting me. Rather, it was me surrounding myself with people who joined in my behavioral cycle instead of helping me to emerge from it. It was me, staying in the emotional and behavioral state that I had learned as a child, not growing or learning from it. I was not self-aware or self-confident enough to recognize poor habits, let alone vocalize them in relationships. I was in dire need of an epiphany to break me of the habits I had been acting out, in all of my relationships. As soon as I realized that, I went to work. I've always felt that if you're not changing, you're not living - in fact you're probably staying completely still. I did not want to be a statue.

Once I realized what my unwanted learned behaviors were, I examined my "self" and my relationships. The first thing I did was recognize the relationships that were condoning my behavior, and had become unhealthy for me in doing so. They kept me from growing, they taught me how to look down on myself, they blinded me to my potential, they did not present me with the kind of environment that felt safe and secure and therefore brought out all of my insecurities and fears. Sometimes, they were just relationships I didn't feel comfortable speaking candidly in, and I needed to work on my own approach to conflict before I could further engage with that person. A lot of the times, it was me taking a step back to realize that I was leaving space for me to be treated in ways that I didn't want. I would welcome undesirable treatment, and let people closest to me get away with it. In other words, I was submissive to abuse, and sometimes chose it. Those relationships were the ones that were unhealthy for me, and reflected changes I needed to make within myself.

Some people like to say that nothing is forever, even when it comes to relationships. However, I say that operating under the assumption that nothing is forever, could help to maintain defenses and decrease chances of vulnerability, transparency, and true gratitude in interpersonal relationships. Maybe the people who say "nothing is forever" have been abandoned or isolated and thats the outlook they use to cope. Be defensive, okay, but limiting yourself to the potential of you and your relationships is completely self-deprecating, isolating, bullshit.

Vulnerability, transparency, and gratitude are the bridge between you and the other person - thats the good stuff that you don't want to miss out on. We see in our own behavior that everything is forever, not because our behavior doesn't change (it does!), rather, because what we experience as children and in our environments live on in us. As adults, its still there. What if I told you that how you look, feel, and think now will be how you look, feel, and think for eternity? Would you be satisfied with that? Operating under the assumption that you are forever - ignoring whatever you believe about religion or spirits - may give you the sense that now is the perfect time to show yourself what love can look like. Real love. It's vulnerable, transparent, it helps you grow in humility, gratitude, empathy, confidence, and it makes you beautiful. It makes your soul glow. Love is endless and by becoming a beacon of love for yourself and others you are becoming endless. The relationships that may feel unhealthy for you now, may not be unhealthy for you later, but now is what is important. Cross that bridge when you come to it - otherwise you may keep looking for the bridge and learn that you were never on an island to begin with.

Affirmation

"Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you."

Steve Maraboli

Moderation in a Social Environment - And A Yummy Recipe Too!

Moderation tends to be something that becomes more difficult in social situations. If theirs a party, vacation, or a holiday we call it a "special occasion" - sometimes its just a unique Friday night and we want to celebrate with no holds bar. These occasions are our public self-defining moments. Often these moments involve opportunities to drink, eat, smoke, stay out unusual hours, do something out of your norm, or interact within a group. One might say that our public self-defining moments are our opportunities to really show ourselves how far we've come in our self-awareness. For example, maybe you've been doing a lot of things to make yourself healthy and happy, but as soon as you're in a social environment whatever you would normally be moderating goes completely out the window. Being self-aware when we are alone can be a lot easier then when we are in groups. Different settings offer us different challenges both internally and externally.

Many people find their emotions comforted or enhanced by food, alcohol, attention, controlled substances, dangerously thrilling experiences, etc. If we are alone seeking these things then we might feel like we are developing some kind of dependence… but if we are in groups seeking these things then its more likely that we would feel normalized, like we're part of the crowd and it's totally called for. That's partially because people are drawn to one another, and to stay socialized rather than isolated, we have to adapt to the norm. That might not be what we want or agree with, but that's instinct.

That's one of the reasons why we have to bring awareness to the way we let our environment effect us in order to make a decision of whether we like the effect or not. We have to decide whether we feel the effect is good or not. Being in a group - anywhere from the basketball team, to colleagues, to your family - it has the ability to effect our behavior. The person who is usually outgoing might become the silent type. The nervous person might become the monopolizer. The silent person might become the drunk. The angry person is now sad. The defensive turns to stoner. It's completely normal for group dynamics to cause a  shift in behavior. Its important for us to recognize our changes and determine whether we like them or not. It is perfectly possible that you are in a group that influences you in a way that makes you better! For me those groups are from my church, fitness groups, and school groups. Or maybe for you its the opposite, and you are finding that your closest friends you have known forever are part of a group that engage in social activities that make you feel like you don't really fit in with them anymore. You have different interests now. Even though you probably love your friends and family, that doesn't mean you have to do activities that cause you stress, or activities you just don't want to be around anymore. There are other ways to relate to each other besides hobbies and habits. In fact, I find that relating to one another based on hobbies and habits can often cause an enabling or closed-off relationship.

Its important to determine what behaviors you do or do not want to take part in, and to stick by that self-defining moderation so that groups do not have power over you. You have to honor yourself by being an individual on your own before you can empower yourself enough to moderate across the board. Love yourself first and the rest falls into place. We all have our own ways of balancing the group norm with what we want to be our norm. We have to know our ins and outs in order to be confident in our decisions - because saying "no" to someone you love who really wants you to say "yes" can be hard. For me, understanding why I do things - whether they are good or bad - has offered me a sense of self-understanding and truth in my choices.

There are a lot of people who have negative opinions about drinking, overeating, drugs, any kind of obsession or addiction, anything you can think of that takes away from your health - mind, body, or soul. My only opinion of those things has to do with the negative effect they can have on our personal growth - mainly that understanding ourselves is very hard to do when engorged or intoxicated. It's even harder to do when you don't get out into different environments and learn about yourself. It is in that way that isolation can be extremely harmful. It's also hard to do when you're in the environment that you know deep down is not right for you. I'm not saying, by any means, to abstain from any of these things. It's all about balance after all. The Golden Mean. I'm saying that on your path to happiness you actually have to sit back and ask yourself - Why? Does this make me happy? Am I doing this for me? How is this benefitting me? What would make it a better experience for me? - Your happiness is about you after all. In social environments we often forget about ourselves and focus on the group: fitting in, avoiding judgment, passive aggression, keeping real emotions and thoughts private, how others characterize us, or taking into account how everyone else feels and thinks - over how we feel and think. Sometimes completely throwing moderation out the window. Its normal to adapt differently in group settings, but know why, and how you adapt - and then adjust, or change if necessary. We can only judge what is right or wrong for ourselves based on our own feelings. Let other people be experts on their own happiness, and we can be expert on ours.

I've learned that if I am healthy and happy, then I will have confidence in my decision making! I will feel good about the decisions I make because those decisions are what is best for me. One of the important things about moderation is to not be afraid of being healthy, or saying "no" when you're in your different groups. It might be hard to change your behaviors with people who have known you for so long, or seen you behave in a certain way for so long. But change isn't going to happen if you're not doing it. Being happy and healthy is one thing you should never be afraid of people knowing about you. Believe it or not, treating yourself well so that you are healthy and happy will inspire the people around you to do the same. My inspiration has always come from those closest to me who simply decided to be good to themselves.

Since one of my personal struggles has always been food and weight, I thought I would share with you a recipe that is not terribly unhealthy to bring to parties. It's my way of maintaining health and moderation in a social environment. It's tough to eat at parties when everything thats healthy is bland, and everything else is terribly bad for you. My Queso Dip recipe below is one of those healthier party foods. I couldn't eat endless amounts of it, but its delicious and I have no shame in eating it till my tummy is full. I hope you like it, and thanks for reading! If you like the purpose of this blog which is to promote how to treat yourself well leading to health and happiness - then please talk to me about writing! Anything you've learned, experienced, want to share, about what it means or how to be healthy is welcome here. Also submit your email at the top of the page so that you can get an email every time we make a new post. 

Queso Dip for 2

1 cup Spinach 1/2 Plump Tomato finely chopped
1/2 cup scallions diced or chopped
2 Tbs Salsa of your choice
2 Slices of Velveeta Cheese
4 Tbs or 1/3 cup Fat Free Sour Cream

Optional 1 Chorizo sausage (ground or finely chopped)
1/4 cup Jalapenos finely chopped
1 slice Pepperjack Cheese (I like the Weight Watchers kind)

The rest is simple, put all of the ingredients into a pot on low-medium heat - double burner or slow cooker is best. Stir frequently, and turn down the heat if it starts to burn. Once the dip is the consistency you want, dig in! 356 Calories per serving

Side Note: Recent studies have shown that dairy (anything from a cow) is rather unhealthy for your digestive system. Fat free dairy being even worse. Think about it, we're the only species that consumes another animal's milk. That being said, I don't expect anyone to stop eating dairy, particularly because I don't intend to stop eating dairy. But if you are interested in learning more about the products you consume or changing your diet, ask your doctor and do some research.

Affirmation

"The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depends upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom."

Plato

The Challenge of Being Honest with Yourself

Accountability tends to be the way in which we motivate ourselves or others in our journey. It's the reason why so many people are motivated to share their stories, and goals of the day. Sharing parts of ourselves is an out-loud way of making us accountable in our own lives. It gives us purpose. Most people wont be able to make any kind of progress without it.

Often times when trying to change a habit or feel safe, we share accountability with our friends, or family. Having a workout buddy can do wonders for getting your butt to the gym. Just the same as having a drinking buddy encourages you to drink more - or having a sober companion would probably keep you sober longer. Partnering on accountability can be beneficial - as long as your reliance is not fully on the other party. At the end of the day, we are the most dependable for ourselves, and we (should) be the ones who care the most about ourselves. Counting on someone else to get you going is a sign you might not make it too far. There are ways to be responsible for your own change, if you aren't already, and it involves some serious personal growth.

Everything we say or think is an opportunity to be responsible for who we are, and how we interact with others. One might say the simplest statement, I am doing this, or I am that, or this is my thing. How often do we say these things and actually question what we truly care about, and desire? It's self-limiting to say I am this, or that. You are doing a ton of things, you are what you are, and your "thing" is anything at any given moment. Believe that, and now you are limitless.

In order to be accountable for our actions we must reflect on who we are, and who we want to be. This allows us to be more honest with ourselves, and to find our truth. Any kind of change, or step forward, would be incomplete without questioning ourselves, and being honest about the answer. The result of being honest with ourselves is often confidence in who we are, and what we can do (whether or not you think that's good or bad). Low self-confidence is what happens to us when we've been told who we are, what we want, or how we behave. Low self-confidence comes from the abuse of not being free to express ourselves. By finding our own truth of who, what, and how we are, rather than looking at it through stained glass, we can see the fuller picture of ourselves. We are being honest, and in-turn, accountable for our own self-made definition. How can anyone be accountable for themselves in change, if they are not first honest with themselves?

Well, I don't think they can. In order to be the best version of myself and feel the best I could at no one else's expense, I had to make some serious life changes. But first I needed to figure out what those changes were, by being honest with myself.

How did I figure this out? I asked myself a lot of questions. What do I want? What do I deserve? What do I not want? What relationships give me a warm/positive feeling? What relationships are unhealthy for me? What am I good at? What do I want to be good at? What do I think I'm bad at but I'm probably not? What do I believe? What is a feeling I like to have? What should I give myself credit for?

I answered all of these questions, and more, by making lists. Lists of feelings I want to feel, and the kinds of people or things I want to feel from. Lots of lists. Lists of names of people in my life who have made me feel that warm/positive feeling. Lists of activities that make me feel positive about myself. Lists of gratitude.

The immediate result was changing relationships and habits based on the lists I made about 'negative feelings.' Sometimes that meant stopping those habits, or ending or taking a break from those relationships. That was really hard. I understood within myself that I loved, and was attached to these people and things, but I also knew that having them in my life was not healthy for me at that time.

Setting free what or who you love is hard, even when you know that not setting them free would be unhealthy. What I learned is that hard is necessary in order to be good to yourself. If something makes me feel so bad all the time, then why am I putting myself through it? It's not good for my soul. I at least need to do some self-care, and gain wisdom, before I put myself in a position to manage unhealthy situations.

My questions, and my lists were ways to help me sit back and try to think of my life from an unbiased perspective. I gave myself an honest opinion of my world and what it encompassed. After creating my lists, I committed to an all-out truth cleanse in my life. And the result? Nothing but positivity, confidence, and power over myself in my own life. Once you feel that, the truth is just getting started.

Affirmation

"Don't bend; don't water it down; don't try to make it logical; don't edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly."

Franz Kafka (1883-1924)

Sustainability - Start by Showing Up

Putting goals and dreams into action takes a lot of determination. There are so many emotional and physical components that are connected with trying to lose weight, eat healthy, or maybe just change another unhealthy habit. I say an unhealthy habit is anything that negatively effects your mind, body, or soul - it can be anything and is different for everyone. The connection between mind, body, soul, and health seems to be the part that people don't talk about on TV or write books about. Life changes can be hard (even if it feels so right) and the process of changing effects every part of us. It can break us, make us, and then do all that again. When it comes to changing habits, you either do it or you don't, and "trying" just means you still haven't worked out the mind and soul part. Its never just a body thing, or a mind thing, or a soul thing.

The things I needed to change in order to live a health(ier) life were

Fitness

Types of Foods I Ate

Amount of Food I Ate

How I Connect with Myself and God

How and Who I Ask for Help

Social Activities

Friends

The Way I See Myself In the World

I didn't want to scare myself back to old habits by changing all of these things at once. So the first was the workout routine. The next goal came one month later, when I began to change my eating habits. Slowly everything else began to come together.

Everyone get's started differently, and it depends on your goal. My goal was showing up for my health. I believe showing up - whether that means physically going somewhere, mentally being highly conscious and aware, or spiritually reflecting on yourself - showing up for you is the best way to start. When friends or family want to show support they might say, "I'm here if you need anything," or "I'm thinking about you." Well showing up for you means supporting yourself: taking time to reflect when you need to digest information or figure out what feelings you're experiencing and why; thinking about you in a healthy and loving manner.

In order to make myself get in the habit of showing up, I made sure I went to the gym almost every day for the first 28 days. I required of myself that I go. On days when my body needed to rest, I just made sure I showed up. You have to go, I would tell myself, you can't NOT go, this is your life we're talking about, this is for YOU. Sustainability was the most important factor - I had to be used to making time for my health. By the end of the month, I could run 2 miles on the treadmill without stopping, and I gave up some weight. Thats when I began to workout 5-6 times a week for a minimum of 30-45 minutes (recommended by my doctor). And when I was at the gym, I worked hard to sweat out any negative feelings I had about my body and change. This was how I began to educate myself about the connection between mind, body, and soul. It ultimately changed my life.

Now, I am one year later in my odyssey. I try to be fit in ways that have sustainability like yoga, palates, speed walking, the occasional distance run, and bicycling. Depending on the weather and nature I've started to try new things too like rock climbing, ice skating, snow shoeing, swimming, hiking, and the list goes on. Anything to keep me up and about, and enjoy what I'm doing.

Walking is probably the cheapest and most gratifying workout you could do. You get to see where you live to its fullest, you're in nature at your own pace away from the world, little to no severe negative impacts on the body, and it's free. You learn how to stop using weather as an excuse to stay in. I walk four miles home from work every day, unless it is below 15 degrees out or I'm sick. Fast paced walking for at least an hour will keep you in the fat burning zone for your heart rate, and be lighter on your knees. Whereas, running gets your heart rate up high enough so that you stay in the muscle burning zone, and ooh the joint pain as you age.

Yoga is similar to palates, but it also incorporates an amazing spirituality to it that allows for you to breath and focus on where you are in your life. Yoga can sound overrated - it's really just deep stretching at different paces to release negative energy, get your heart rate up, and improve concentration, flexibility, balance, and muscle tone. The progression of yoga is clear so that you can actually see and feel your improvements as you continue to practice. Want to do a shoulder stand or a handstand? Okay, well go to yoga and eventually you will. But my favorite part is that it incorporates mind, body, and soul as one therapeutic workout!

The key for me, throughout this journey, has been finding a balance between how hard I am on myself, and how much love I need to give myself too. I suggest giving yourself a lot of loving.

Affirmation

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will."

Mohandas "Mahatma" Gandhi

The First Step to Healthy Living

The first step to healthy living is honesty. Changing lifestyles from A to B to C is a journey that varies for everyone. However, all forms of change require the breaking of one habit and the implementation of something positive in its place. Admitting that a change is needed is where honesty with yourself is the most powerful. Change involves a lot of hoping for what might be. Because by not knowing what will be, we have no control - and that's scary for some people.

When it comes to incorporating nuances into our daily lives there is going to be a mixture of emotions - anxiety, determination, feelings of failure, success, disappointment, guilt, confidence, ability, sadness, courage, wisdom, and then failure again. Loss of control is inevitable. But by letting go of the need for control, we free ourselves in a way that gives us authority in our lives. No, we're not in control of the universe, but we are in control of ourselves.

I have been overweight for all of my life. Overweight is all I ever thought I would be for a long time. My friends wouldn't comment on weight, because I voiced that I was self-conscious and any comments made would immediately cause a victimized reaction in me. Sometimes my best friend's dad would ask me about my working out, or hint that he felt I should be working out. As a person in constant self-denial, I just took his comments as well gee, what an incredibly insensitive thing to say, thank you for voicing your opinion about my appearance so openly. I was offended by it then, because I was unappreciative that he had the consideration to let me know that my weight gain and lifestyle had gone overboard. Saying the hard stuff shows love.

I was an active kid asking a big question. Why, no matter what I do, I can't seem to change this thing about me? The answer was simple - I did not want to change. This way of life was imbedded in me, internalized in a way that took a lot more than fitness and diet to change. I was settled into the size and shape my life had taken. Psychologically, every person is fighting a battle within themselves when it comes to change. It takes epiphany after epiphany - usually continually throughout life, for everyone - to finally reach the emotional, and behavioral balance that is their equilibrium. Not to mention, for every single change in one's life, one goes through the Transtheoretical Stages of Change. Some process faster than others, but the typical process continues as follows:

Stage 1: Pre-Contemplation. You are in total denial that there is something you need to change. You're not even thinking about it yet. Someone tells you that your habits are unhealthy or maybe a close friend shares concerns about something in your life. Your response? Probably something like, "thanks, but no thanks," "go fuck yourself," or "what do you know about my life?"

Stage 2: Contemplation. So, now you realize there is a problem but you're not ready to do anything about it. I bet that there's still a lot of emotions to work through. If you were to make a list of reasons why you should change you'd have a pretty even flow of pros and cons. But at least you're thinking about it.

Stage 3: Preparation (or Determination). Now, this is the part where you accept that there is a need to change, and the pros of change outweigh the cons. You might start telling people that you are working towards changing. We tend to tell people we're changing for accountability purposes - even when we don't follow through.

Stage 4: Action. After all that build up, this is when you start changing. Change is like a switch, you're either doing it or you're not. The action stage is the DOING part.

Stage 5: Maintenance/Relapse. Now that you have committed to the action, the goal is to maintain the change that you've implemented and you will definitely need maintaining - we want this change to last! Relapse, just like with addicts, is an expected, normal, often times necessary component to the changing process. Each time we relapse it takes a new inspiration, enlightnment, epiphany to get back to one of the previous stages. Relapsing never means that you have to start over from scratch - after all you've already learned and experienced so much at this point. Discounting how you got here would be a shame to your efforts. Try to forgive yourself for having a lapse in judgment or for maybe giving up on yourself for a second, and then get back on the horse at whatever stage you feel most comfortable. The lesson in relapse is to cut yourself some slack, and not beat yourself up over needing to try again.

Pre-contemplation -> Contemplation -> Preparation ->Action -> Maintenance ->Relapse

In my journey, I knew there was a need to change, and I knew that I wanted my outcome to be a reasonable size and average weight. But I did not want to work every day, I felt gross whenever I was sweating, and I had embraced the loud-mouth/oversized personality that I gave to myself in order to cover-up any insecurities I had. I was a comfortable Stage 2 for most of my life.

It wasn't until December 2012 that I had a life-changing conversation. I was speaking with someone I cared about who was morbidly obese for most of his life, and had health problems because of his lifestyle. At the talking point, my concern for his health had grown immensely and his weight had increased as well. I decided to do what my best friend's dad did, and word vomit all of my concerns in a completely unsensored format. I said to my friend, 'Aren't you concerned? You've been overweight most of your life, and every day you don't try to do something about it, every day you don't try to change, you are taking a day off of your life. You maybe have 10 years left - tops! at the rate you're going.'

Harsh, right?

Well believe it or not, the little speech I gave was my own wake-up call. During my speal I thought am I actively taking years off of my life too? I don't want to be your age and worrying about heart disease or diabetes, or any other problems. I need to nip this in the bud while I'm young, and capable. I have so much more living I could be doing. The very next day I began my journey towards healthy living. All I had to do was be honest with myself, and my body.

That's the thing about change. We have to realize for ourselves what is needed by being honest. Someone can't tell us we need to lose weight and then suddenly we start trying. We have to tell ourselves what is worth changing, and how we want to do it. We all have our own pace, and our own goals - those are ours. Keep them sacred.

Affirmation

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."

Aldous Huxley (1894-1963)