Many people find their emotions comforted or enhanced by food, alcohol, attention, controlled substances, dangerously thrilling experiences, etc. If we are alone seeking these things then we might feel like we are developing some kind of dependence… but if we are in groups seeking these things then its more likely that we would feel normalized, like we're part of the crowd and it's totally called for. That's partially because people are drawn to one another, and to stay socialized rather than isolated, we have to adapt to the norm. That might not be what we want or agree with, but that's instinct.
That's one of the reasons why we have to bring awareness to the way we let our environment effect us in order to make a decision of whether we like the effect or not. We have to decide whether we feel the effect is good or not. Being in a group - anywhere from the basketball team, to colleagues, to your family - it has the ability to effect our behavior. The person who is usually outgoing might become the silent type. The nervous person might become the monopolizer. The silent person might become the drunk. The angry person is now sad. The defensive turns to stoner. It's completely normal for group dynamics to cause a shift in behavior. Its important for us to recognize our changes and determine whether we like them or not. It is perfectly possible that you are in a group that influences you in a way that makes you better! For me those groups are from my church, fitness groups, and school groups. Or maybe for you its the opposite, and you are finding that your closest friends you have known forever are part of a group that engage in social activities that make you feel like you don't really fit in with them anymore. You have different interests now. Even though you probably love your friends and family, that doesn't mean you have to do activities that cause you stress, or activities you just don't want to be around anymore. There are other ways to relate to each other besides hobbies and habits. In fact, I find that relating to one another based on hobbies and habits can often cause an enabling or closed-off relationship.
Its important to determine what behaviors you do or do not want to take part in, and to stick by that self-defining moderation so that groups do not have power over you. You have to honor yourself by being an individual on your own before you can empower yourself enough to moderate across the board. Love yourself first and the rest falls into place. We all have our own ways of balancing the group norm with what we want to be our norm. We have to know our ins and outs in order to be confident in our decisions - because saying "no" to someone you love who really wants you to say "yes" can be hard. For me, understanding why I do things - whether they are good or bad - has offered me a sense of self-understanding and truth in my choices.
There are a lot of people who have negative opinions about drinking, overeating, drugs, any kind of obsession or addiction, anything you can think of that takes away from your health - mind, body, or soul. My only opinion of those things has to do with the negative effect they can have on our personal growth - mainly that understanding ourselves is very hard to do when engorged or intoxicated. It's even harder to do when you don't get out into different environments and learn about yourself. It is in that way that isolation can be extremely harmful. It's also hard to do when you're in the environment that you know deep down is not right for you. I'm not saying, by any means, to abstain from any of these things. It's all about balance after all. The Golden Mean. I'm saying that on your path to happiness you actually have to sit back and ask yourself - Why? Does this make me happy? Am I doing this for me? How is this benefitting me? What would make it a better experience for me? - Your happiness is about you after all. In social environments we often forget about ourselves and focus on the group: fitting in, avoiding judgment, passive aggression, keeping real emotions and thoughts private, how others characterize us, or taking into account how everyone else feels and thinks - over how we feel and think. Sometimes completely throwing moderation out the window. Its normal to adapt differently in group settings, but know why, and how you adapt - and then adjust, or change if necessary. We can only judge what is right or wrong for ourselves based on our own feelings. Let other people be experts on their own happiness, and we can be expert on ours.
I've learned that if I am healthy and happy, then I will have confidence in my decision making! I will feel good about the decisions I make because those decisions are what is best for me. One of the important things about moderation is to not be afraid of being healthy, or saying "no" when you're in your different groups. It might be hard to change your behaviors with people who have known you for so long, or seen you behave in a certain way for so long. But change isn't going to happen if you're not doing it. Being happy and healthy is one thing you should never be afraid of people knowing about you. Believe it or not, treating yourself well so that you are healthy and happy will inspire the people around you to do the same. My inspiration has always come from those closest to me who simply decided to be good to themselves.
Since one of my personal struggles has always been food and weight, I thought I would share with you a recipe that is not terribly unhealthy to bring to parties. It's my way of maintaining health and moderation in a social environment. It's tough to eat at parties when everything thats healthy is bland, and everything else is terribly bad for you. My Queso Dip recipe below is one of those healthier party foods. I couldn't eat endless amounts of it, but its delicious and I have no shame in eating it till my tummy is full. I hope you like it, and thanks for reading! If you like the purpose of this blog which is to promote how to treat yourself well leading to health and happiness - then please talk to me about writing! Anything you've learned, experienced, want to share, about what it means or how to be healthy is welcome here. Also submit your email at the top of the page so that you can get an email every time we make a new post.
Queso Dip for 2
1 cup Spinach 1/2 Plump Tomato finely chopped
1/2 cup scallions diced or chopped
2 Tbs Salsa of your choice
2 Slices of Velveeta Cheese
4 Tbs or 1/3 cup Fat Free Sour Cream
Optional 1 Chorizo sausage (ground or finely chopped)
1/4 cup Jalapenos finely chopped
1 slice Pepperjack Cheese (I like the Weight Watchers kind)
The rest is simple, put all of the ingredients into a pot on low-medium heat - double burner or slow cooker is best. Stir frequently, and turn down the heat if it starts to burn. Once the dip is the consistency you want, dig in! 356 Calories per serving
Side Note: Recent studies have shown that dairy (anything from a cow) is rather unhealthy for your digestive system. Fat free dairy being even worse. Think about it, we're the only species that consumes another animal's milk. That being said, I don't expect anyone to stop eating dairy, particularly because I don't intend to stop eating dairy. But if you are interested in learning more about the products you consume or changing your diet, ask your doctor and do some research.
Affirmation
"The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depends upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom."
Plato
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